My biggest achilleas heel, the one that feels like my heart was gutted from my chest, so helpless, writhing in the pain, wanting to just cry and die is, when I lose my bond with my children.

I NEVER EVER want to experience that again. It kills me, from the inside. I was pretty sure I would die.

I learned this about myself in January 2025.

You see my son and I were in Japan. He was on a gap year experiencing Tokyo and I was there as my mother had passed and I needed to do the things that one needs to do when a parent passes.

Long story short, the relationship went through a huge shake up of a transformation while we both worked busy jobs, he was stepping into adulthood in a foreign country, I was grieving the most important woman in my life. All of this while sharing a small room of about 12 sq meters.

(For the astrologers reading this, Mars was retrograde in Cancer in my 12th house. Go figure....)

Fast forward to now, my relationship with him is back to normal for the most part, except that I want to cry in gratitude and relief every time he gives me a hug.

I also now know our Human Design charts.

He is a Projector, a very different design from me, a Generator.

I remember one day he came home between lunch and dinner shifts.

He wanted to rest and nap.

I wanted to talk to clear the air.

I still remember his cheeks flushed with anger when I tried to talk.

I know now that Projectors need rest. They are not like me, that has endless energy to handle what I feel is important. Important or not, Projectors need rest. They are not being lazy or avoiding or procrastinating. They need their rest. It's their design.

His Authority is Self Projected which means his decision making process requires talking about things with people he trusts. I am an Emotional Authority, so I don't necessarily need to talk to someone else.  If anything, I need to get in touch with my inner self to gain clarity.

In hindsight, when he would talk non-stop about this girl who I believe is his major first crush, I understand now that I was his trusted person to be his sounding board. I was not a very good sounding board to say the least and I regret my reaction. 
Now, whenever he talks to me about something, I feel joy and my heart goes pitter pat knowing that I am still one of his trusted people. And also, I am ready to be the best sounding board I can be.

I know now, that he doesn't need advice from me, but he needs to hear himself talk and see how true it feels for him. All I need to do is give him the safe space, the brave space so he can talk and find his truth. 

There was another incident today which made me reflect on my daughter's chart, but that is a story for another day. 

Wishing you all a gorgeous day.

With Gratitude,

Yukiko